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Description
Your inbox is a crime scene. Deslop Engine finds the Price, the Term, and the trap — then writes the reply. One click. DESLOP ENGINE Corporate Slop Elimination System // v2.0 Every email you received today was lying to you. Not maliciously. Just professionally. Buried under "synergy," "alignment," and "best-in-class solutions" is a number, a length, and a commitment you are about to agree to without realizing it. Deslop Engine reads it first. WHAT IT DOES Drop in any email, PDF, TXT, or CSV — up to 50 pages of AI-generated corporate fog — and within seconds you get three things that actually matter: PRICE. What it costs. PRODUCT. What it actually is. TERM. How long you are locked in. That is it. That is the whole game. THE ARSENAL Slop Score (0–100) — Rates jargon density in real time. A 99 means someone got paid to waste your time. Shift-Key X-Ray — Hold Shift to highlight every price, date, percentage, and action item buried in the text. Speed-reading mode for people who have already read enough. 5 Neural Tones — Choose your weapon before you reply: Corporate Drone — Polished. Controlled. Says nothing back. Direct — Two sentences. One outcome. The Matrix — Clinical. Inevitable. Slightly ominous. Passive Aggressive — Sounds pleasant. Lands like a performance review. Nuclear — Zero mercy. Maximum signal. Not recommended for clients you want to keep. 3 Reply Lengths — Short, Medium, Long. Because sometimes one sentence is enough and sometimes they need to feel it. 3 Response Types — Yes, No, Defer. The only three answers that exist in business. One-Click Dispatch — Copies to clipboard or fires directly into your email client. The reply is already written. You just decide if you mean it. WHO THIS IS FOR Contractors reviewing vendor proposals at midnight. Sales directors who have sat through one too many "alignment calls." Founders who cannot afford a lawyer but cannot afford to sign the wrong thing. Anyone who has ever forwarded an email to a friend and typed "what does this even mean." THE HONEST PART This is not a productivity app. It is a signal-to-noise filter built for people who make decisions. The animations are aggressive, the interface is dark, and the Slop Score goes to 100 because we have seen emails that deserve every point. Install it. Paste something. See what they were actually saying. If the email cannot state Price and Term in one line, it does not deserve a reply. DESLOP ENGINE // UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS IS ENCOURAGED // v2.8